did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
