I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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