My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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