Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
