I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
