Cold hands, warm shart.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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