u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize