Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My bed is full of blood and feathers
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
