I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize