walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
