I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
