Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
