There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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