you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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