Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
