So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
