guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize