i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
