I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
