i used baking grease as lip gloss
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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