he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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