My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
