You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
