white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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