No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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