K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
