"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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