it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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