Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
