Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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