what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You ate ashes out of my bong
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
