Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
