I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
