Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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