HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize