this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
