Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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