If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
