the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
