Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
