i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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