Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
