So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
