Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
