his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize