WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
