Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
