all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
