Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
