Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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