I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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