Since when is my name a synonym for head?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
