I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
