there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I wannas sexs uuuuu
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
