I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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