She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
