apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
