She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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