im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you didnt know i had herpes?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
