my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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