I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
