She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
