so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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