yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
