And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
