Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
