i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
