One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
