sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
