She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
