Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
