oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
