quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
