Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
