Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
