I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
