Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
