Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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