and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
