i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize