I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
