i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
