for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
wow bdsm is so cute
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
