I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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