White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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