Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
