I faked an abortion last night.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
