oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
