What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
