I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
