I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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