honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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