forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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