I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
